Wilderness and who will rule my heart

I’ve been quiet this month and until church today I didn’t have anything that felt coherent or organized enough to say.

Summer has been my hardest season for many years. The contrast of the growth and energy that surrounds me in the warm calendar months doesn’t help as the busyness that consumes me and the financial stresses that arise. Why is it that every summer car issues, kids growth spurts, and medical bills happen in the same week?!

As the stress of this summer has piled up not only personally, but around the world, I quickly identified I’d stepped back into the wilderness. I hesitate to explain personal stresses as I want to protect the privacy of others, but globally this past weekend there was a Black Lives Matter march on Friday in our town, then the events in Turkey unraveled followed closely by France. Sunday morning Baton Rouge awoke to discover police officers had been targeted for death and everything in me has cried out “ENOUGH!  God help us! God, please let this be the event that awakens a nation.”

  • When I look at the events surrounding me instead of up to God I step into the wilderness.
  • When I listen to the words of those who hide behind the safety of anonymous and whisper “you are not good enough for me” instead of listening to the words from my Heavenly Father who whispers “you are mine” I step into the wilderness.
  • When I allow fear to dominate my thoughts instead of scripture I step into the wilderness.

Job 1:20-22 records Job’s response upon hearing his flocks and fields had been destroyed and his children had been murdered. 20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” 22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Job had the chance to look at his circumstances or his God and he chose to worship. Further, Job did not blame God for all that had happened. As I acknowledge the edge of the wilderness moving further away from my sight, the desert before me. The thing that draws me back consistently is worship. David wrote worship songs to express his feelings and thoughts about God and it is a practice that continues today. Matt and Beth Redmann’s Blessed Be Your Name, Hillsong United songs Oceans, and Even When it Hurts have all defined milestones in my wilderness seasons.

The thing about wilderness songs is that they are never ending. Hard seasons draw our hearts to see comfort and peace, and that is found in God alone. John Mark McMillian’s King of My Heart   is another mile marker for me. This is the song that has brought the wilderness edge back to a place where stepping away seems possible.

Let the King of my heart be
The mountain when I run
The fountain I drink from; Oh
He is my song
Let the King of my heart be
The shadow where I hide
The ransom for my life; oh
He is my song

You are good, good, Oh
You are good, good Oh

  • When I acknowledge God as King of my heart instead of fear I step out of the wilderness.
  • When I remember God is my provider despite circumstances I step out of the wilderness.
  • When I remember God is good I step out of the wilderness
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About BWalk

15 years into marriage, 2 kids and several jobs later, I’m finally finding my voice. My prayer is that this blog will be a place where lessons on life, both on and off the football field can be explored. Thanks for reading!
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