As we stood in the kitchen having yet again another discussion about God and prayer I finally formed the words I’d spent all those months searching for. Tears filling my eyes I whispered “it’s not about walking away from God, it’s about Him walking away from me. All those times I’ve put our relationship on the back burner, He waited patiently, but this time I’m the one waiting, and it’s awful.”
How could it be possible that a heartfelt prayer to be used by God for His glory, a song prayed over our new campus for revival and a commitment to obey the call, even in an ocean could come together to create the spiritual desert that had engulfed me the previous years? How was it possible that financial, marital and spiritual crisis could all occur at the same time when all we ached for was to reflect God’s truth to others?
In 2013 God answered my most fervent prayer of 10 years…to move away from the cornfields which had told me such consistent lies I had spent years thinking there was truth in the statement that my life had no value.
Within months of that prayer being answered two things became clear. The first, was that we were exactly where we were called to be. The second, was that God was fed up with our lukewarm relationship and I was going to need to make some changes.
Cherie Hill says in her book Empty “You may not have ever realized this before, but your story is written somewhere in the Bible. Your name could be written in the place of any one of the biblical characters you read about. Although the story may not be identical, there are always parts of a story that are a replica of your own.” In my wilderness season God healed me through the stories of scripture. My story was written all over the pages of my bible, and as I remembered my past I finally said goodbye to it.